Ray of Sunshine
by Angel of Insanity
Summary: Ayeka reflects on the demons who haunt her and the blood that sets her free.


Author's Note: Once again, my muse triumphs over everything…boredom, life, and laziness and makes me write…again. I hope that this story turns out all right. It's angst…it's Ayeka…and Tenchi is nowhere to be found.  
  
***  
Ray of Sunshine  
***  
  
My eyes focus intently as I drag the knife across my skin.  
  
Crisscross…crisscross…  
  
The angry red welts raise up against my white skin. The pain is my catalyst…I don't want to bleed just yet. No, I'll let the blood flow later…once the pain inside matches the pain I'm inflicting on myself. There's no point in bleeding immediately…the slower the better.  
  
Crisscross…crisscross  
  
Was there really a time when I thought love could suppress every unhappy thought I had? Yes, sadly, I think there actually was. Before traveling to Earth, I had Sasami. Such a sweet little girl, she never questioned anything I did…all she wanted me to do was love her.   
  
Crisscross…crisscross  
  
Once on Earth…I had Tenchi to distract me, as did everyone else. No longer did I have Sasami to comfort me, to keep me from being drug down by my demons. She had everything she ever wanted…a pet…a kitchen…and a houseful of 'sisters' who were willing to pay attention to her. Naturally, my survival instinct kicked in…and I made Tenchi my knight in shinning armor.  
  
Crisscross…crisscross  
  
There was only one problem…I had to compete with the space pirate, Ryoko. It wasn't like she was prettier than I was…she just had bigger 'assets' than I did. Not to mention she wasn't a prude, hell, she was putting her hands down Tenchi's pants every chance she could…and there was little prissy Ayeka sitting in the corner…knowing that one day Tenchi would cast his gaze at me and the pieces of my life would all fall together.  
  
Crisscross…crisscross  
  
Oh…he looked at me all right…though I'm pretty sure all he saw was a spoiled little princess, not that I really did anything to argue that. No…after the first year my demons were catching up with me again. They had traveled across galaxies to haunt me, and no, I'm not talking about the imposter who tried to kill my family and I. No, quite simply the demons were every little fear I had. It didn't make things any better when Ryoko and Tenchi decided to announce to the household they were getting married.  
  
Crisscross…crisscross  
  
That was the last straw. You know…the one that broke the camel's back? So, as soon as I could my dear ship was resurrected and I was flying through space again. Minus my little ray of sunshine. Sasami wanted to stay…she wanted to be their daughter…she wanted to keep her pet, her kitchen, and her sisters. I was no longer a part of her equation and so…once I got back to Jurai…came back to my heritage…took back my title as Princess…I started cutting myself again.  
  
Crisscross…crisscross  
  
These robes hide everything…it doesn't really matter anyway. mother and father don't pay enough attention to me to see that there are bags under my eyes, I have no fat left on any part of my body, and my arms are covered in interloping scar tissue. Azaka and Kamadaki have come close to finding out my secret…but even they can't be around me all the time.  
  
Crisscross…crisscross   
  
I actually tried to stop cutting myself once, but then Tenchi, Ryoko, and Sasami came to visit. To see my sister cradle Tenchi's bouncing baby boy broke my heart. Probably didn't help that Ryoko flaunted her wedding ring in my face so many times that for a week I was seeing spots. After they left I went right back to cutting my arms again…only deeper than before.  
  
Crisscross…crisscross  
  
Truth is I can't escape my life. All these rules and regulations…my parents made my life to where I would always be bound to Jurai. The best year of my life was when I was chasing Ryoko in space. All I had to focus on was her destruction. It's quite sad that I almost became friends with her…almost being the key word. No matter how hard I try I can't leave my post…well…I could…but it would require me to cut a little deeper than usual.  
  
Crisscross…crisscross  
  
Now the blood is coming in thin rivers. I can feel all my anguish and pain leaving my body as the blood flows down my arms. The blood's warmth spreads through my entire body in a way that nothing ever could. I hold my arms out from my sides, watching as the blood drips off them and onto the floor. The darkness is about to claim me, oblivion will embrace me for a few hours. Whispering words of love, stroking my hair, kissing my closed eyelids…and I can have peace…if only momentarily. 


End file.
